That moment right before the nap is over. The stress to hurry up and enjoy relaxing after folding clothes and prepping dinner or cleaning up a mess. Hurry up and enjoy reading that article in NatGeo. Hurry up and enjoy a 2 minute sit on the couch (the same couch that used to look new but now has been terrorised by crayon, sneaky food, and jumping). Nope, hurry up and finish checking your emails or doing some marketing because this nap is almost over.
But I can’t wait to see him again and cuddle him through his day waking screams as these naps are becoming a thing of the past and I’ll have to find another source of midday respite.
They grow so fast.
They change so much.
They change us so much.
Who you were before children makes way for a different person after and a forever changing person throughout. Some of it is better, some worse, some meh. I struggled to find myself after my boy was born. I really struggled. I think I wanted to be the person I was before dynamic, spontaneous, well rested...
I fought the changes that were taking place: the hormones, the englarged amygdala, the physical changes to my body, the pelvic pain, the constant touch, the feeling that this will not pass!
I should have taken these changes in stride, taken a deep breath and seen the positives but positives can be hard to see or fake if you’re wrapped up in the fear of change; the fear of losing yourself.
I feel it’s important to remember ourselves and reflect on our memories of the time you went for breakfast with the girls and ended up spending the day drinking champagne and wondering why your friends with kids weren’t there! I feel it’s important to love who you were but embrace the new you, the good and not so pleasant. Find that new thing that makes you tick but that search can be impossible if forced. Stumble into your new travels with an open mind and maybe you will come out with a new hobby, career, sense of self, something to look forward to...
I definitely don’t have this figured out, but I try to take most of it in stride!
This motherhood journey is hard.
As this nap comes to an end so does my time to get shit done, but I do look forward to him waking up and the activities we will get up to.
To my new self I say “good luck”.